It wasn't our time

Well the news is in, we are still not pregnant. It is hard to believe or understand but it is the reality. For some reason even with a perfect cycle and wonder embryos we were not lucky enough to get pregnant. I will have a follow with my Dr on May 2nd just to see if he has any thoughts. In the meantime Craig and I are going to spend some time thinking about the next course of action. I know I said that this was the last cycle but I am not too sure that I can surrender just yet. We are thinking about doing another cycle or possibly looking into adoption. I would love to adopt - always have wanted to do that - but the cost is outrageous and I am not sure how we could swing that. It sure is a nice thought to complete our family with a child that needs a safe and loving home. Lots to think about and look into but for now I need to take some time to heal and allow myself to be sad.

These cycles are awful physically, mentally and most of all emotionally. To think less than two weeks ago I was trying to wrap my brain around the thought of triplets and now I am realizing that the family might in deed already be complete. What a roller coater of events.

I do have a few bright sides to this - you have to search for the good in the bad!

1. No more shots, blood draws and sonograms.
2. I can have anything to eat or drink that I want - I think I will be making a stop at Starbucks real soon!
3. I wont have to endure the Texas heat as a pregnant woman.
4. No more back pain - for the last three days I have been in extreme pain and barely able to walk. It is from the progesterone causing the ligaments to loosen and shift - very painful.

Of course, I would much rather struggle through all of the above to have another child but I will think of these as positive for the time being.

Collin and I are going to enjoy our evening tonight and will look forward to daddy coming home tomorrow. Our little family will be just fine.

I am sure that I will post soon with more thoughts but for now - time to get my mind off of this and actually work!

Love to all!
Katie

And now for the dreaded wait. . .

Sorry for the dramatic delay in updating on how Saturday went, this is the first time I have been in the office and for some reason I can't post from my phone. I have been very relaxed this entire cycle -so much that I even forgot to take a shot on Friday night! We went to dinner and then took Collin to watch a little bit of baseball at the local ball fields - cheap and fun entertainment! When we got home I saw all my meds and shots on the dinning room table and that is when I realized I forgot the shot. So I took it real quick and was only an hour late - not too big of a deal - thank goodness! Saturday morning on the way to the clinic I joked with Craig again about triplets - but deep down I was a little nervous that we would not have any to transfer. It took a while for the embryologist to get their but it was worth the wait - all three were dividing beautifully. At this point in the process they want at least a 6 cell division. The lab also grades them from 1-5 with one being the best. They look for fragmentation and space between the cells to make the grade. So we had 2 8 cell grade 1 and 1 9 cell grade two!!! I was stoked! This is the best that we have ever had - even with Collin we did not have this good of grading. The embryologist recommended putting back all three. Her reasoning was based on our history she felt this would give us the best chance. We talked a long time with her then said we needed to talk to Dr A Rod before making the final decision. When he came in I was shocked that he felt this was a no brainer and that we needed to put back all three. He told us the odds of pregnancy at all would be about 60% - twins 20-30% and triplets less than 5 %. So we went with the recommendation and put them all back. We are very excited and I think equally as nervous. I could not imagine life with triplets but I know we could figure out a way to make it work. I think I biggest fear, minus the medical risk, is how that would rock Collin's world. I would never want him to feel like he is no longer loved - but their is plenty of family and friends to get us through the rough times. It is funny to me that this entire cycle I felt it would come down to transferring three. Dr A Rod was always very strict that for my age two was tops and I never told him that this would be our last try so I know that was not a factor. He did say that the office staff was shocked at the pregnancy with Collin because it was not a wonderful cycle and the last cycle was awful so he felt my body responded better than ever to go for it. I have been on moderate bed rest since Saturday and will go back to work on Wednesday. I am ready to get into the swing of things again. I am tired are dwelling on every little pain that I feel. I have not started testing as it is obviously too early but I am sure it won't be long before I start! Hopefully the next time I post I will be able to say that I am pregnant!! Fingers crossed!

We are still in it!

Here is a quick recap of the last few days: Wednesday - We had to be at the hospital at 7:30 for the retrieval. It is a miracle that we were able to get Collin to school and us to the hospital in time, but we made it. While we waited for the procedure I asked Craig what he thought about putting 3 embryos back if we were fortunate enough to have that many. I think I freaked him out a bit and he promptly said the Dr won't allow that! I bet he is right, Dr A Rod is pretty conservative but for some strange reason I feel the need to know if he would do that for us. So - I get taken down for surgery right on time. My goal this time was to stay awake to see the operating room- both other times they started the meds so quick that I never made it in to the room. This time we were all talking about vacationing in Italy. I had no idea the anesthesiologist was behind me so when I started getting dizzy and nausea I alerted the Dr Rodriguez. That is when they informed me the meds were flowing. I am pleased to say that I did see the operating room but only briefly and then I was asleep. Retrieval was a success and they were able to get 7 follicles. We left, had a quick lunch and I was back to sleep in no time while Craig went to work. I think I dreamt of having multiple children - and being the first to have crib bunk beds! Thursday - The embryologist called Craig mid morning and said that we will have our transfer on Saturday. Out of the 7 follicles only 6 were mature and 3 fertilized over night. We may have a few more over night tonight but we won't know until Saturday. So for now we have the 3 and hopefully they will continue to divide- by Saturday they need to be a 6-8 cell in order to be considered healthy. Tomorrow will be a hard day - not knowing what is still dividing and if we have any new ones. I have to believe that they will be viable on Saturday but I still worry. Tomorrow also starts the dreaded Progesterone shots that are painful. I will hopefully be doing these shots for another 11 weeks until I am out of the first trimester. Now I have to prepare for bed rest through Tuesday. I have a great plan to get the house cleaned top to bottom tomorrow night. I do not want Craig to have to do it all as he will have his hands full with Collin. I have books to read and plenty of stuff on TIVO that I can catch up on. We have little food in the house so grocery shopping is of top priority as well. You should be relieved to know that I am fully stocked on pregnancy tests. I hope to not start testing for a week but I have enough to start on Sunday if the urge is their! Yes my priorities are in line! I am off to take some meds for the pain and relax a little before bed. I wonder if Craig has considered triplets yet - whom maybe I will wait till tomorrow to bring that up again! Hope everyone had a great week! Will update this weekend with how the transfer went! Hugs to all.

How quickly things can change!

I had an appointment on Saturday morning. The sonogram showed that things were progressing - a little slow but that is normal for me. Blood work showed the same - levels rising at a slow and steady speed. So the Dr did not change any meds and said to come back today for another sono and more blood work. The weekend went by fast and furious - Saturday was filled with baseball and birthday celebrations. Sunday was house cleaning, working in the yard and baseball practice again. When I woke up this morning I was very tender but did not think too much about it. I figured I had over done it over the weekend or it was due to the lack of sleep thanks to Collin being terrified of thunderstorms. As soon as Linda, the nurse, started the sonogram she said "Oh my gosh, look at that!" I instantly panicked thinking something bad happened. But I was shocked to see my follicles grew - a ton! They were all in the 12mm range on Saturday and today I had some in the 30s - I was cooked as Linda said. No wonder all the discomfort this morning! Blood work came back at great levels as well - so the retrieval is moved up to Wednesday! We are all amazed with what my body has done - this is really the best stim cycle out of the three so that is very exciting. They did tell me that I will not have a ton of follicles retreived but that those that are their should be of much better quality than the last cycle!! Tomorrow is my absolute favorite day of the entire IVF journey - it is the only day without shots, blood draws or procedures - a day off!! This is wonderful and you better believe I will enjoy every bit of it. I will post after the retrieval - procedure is at 8:30am - please keep us in your prayers for more great news! Love you all! Katie